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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23194519">The Shittiest Nickname</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICarryDeathOnMyWings/pseuds/ICarryDeathOnMyWings'>ICarryDeathOnMyWings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shitty and Jack Shennigans [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Check Please! (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Gen, Jack has a nickname, Kinda Cracky, M/M, Shitty calls him Jizz, The Falconers chill at Jack's house, The Falconers find out about said nickname, and so does Shitty, comedy?, dude idkwtf this is, it started as JZ, mentions of Jack and Bitty doing things in the ktichen, this is probably mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:35:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23194519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICarryDeathOnMyWings/pseuds/ICarryDeathOnMyWings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It started in college, Shitty called Jack JZ for a while and then it morphed into something much worse. Jizz.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mentioned Jack Zimmermann/Eric 'Bitty' Bittle, Shitty Knight &amp; Jack Zimmermann</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shitty and Jack Shennigans [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>OMGCP Hockey But Fashion Discord</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Shittiest Nickname</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My discord friends helped with this one again. Got lots of ideas coming from there. I don't know what this is, and it's uh... a lot. But I hope you all still enjoy it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started innocently enough when they were in their freshman year. Shitty called Jack JZ sometimes (along with Jackalope, Jackie-o, and Jackabelle, to name a few). Nothing ever really stuck though as most people just continued to call him Jack, mostly becuase he was intimidating as hell and the same age as the juniors. And Bad Bob's son. No one wanted to mess with him, of course, besides Shitty. That asshole was always pushing his luck. </p><p>By the time they were sophomores, Shitty had effectively wormed his way into Jack's life on a pretty permanent basis. He still pushed his luck, trying to get him to open up, be more relaxed and less ‘hockey robot’ and sometimes it did work. The two of them were sitting in the Haus livingroom, Jack was using the chair to lean back against but was actually sitting on the floor, on his laptop while Shitty was sprawled over the couch in nothing but his underwear. They were quiet, just sitting in friendly silence until, “Hey, Jizz, I got a question.” </p><p>Jack was quiet for a long time before finally lifting his head, “What did you just call me?” </p><p>“You heard me.” </p><p>“Well… in that case-“ Jack put his head back down and looked at the laptop, ignoring him. He would not respond to a name like that, not as captain of the Samwell men’s hockey team. Shitty gave an overdramatic sigh, “Fiiiine! Jack, I have a question.” At that, Jack lifted his head and the two talked. </p><p>Shitty kept trying to get Jack to respond to the new name he had given him. Jack asked once where the hell it was even coming from and Shitty said, “JZ and Jizz sound similar.” Jack certainly didn't think that they did. </p><p>It took a couple months of wearing down for it to finally happen. Jack had just gone on his run which meant he was kind of tired, both from being awake so early and he run. He was making his protein shake on autopilot, not even thinking when Shitty walked in, hand scratching his lower stomach and said, “Good morning, Jizz.” </p><p>“Morning, Shits-“ He mumbled before his eyes widened in realization. He whirled around, “No- I didn’t-“ </p><p>Shitty was grinning ear to ear, “But you did-"</p><p>“Shitty, don’t you dar-“ </p><p>“I’m sorry but it must be done.” </p><p>“It really doesn’t.” </p><p>Except it did. Not everyone started calling Jack 'Jizz', in fact, most people still stuck with Jack (he was their captain, after all and some of the team were afraid of him) but Shitty did. It got to the point where Jack was almost numb to it. Bitty showed up Jack's junior year and Shitty loudly told the Frogs that, “This is Jizz! Your fearless leader!” Jack just shook his head, “That’s not true, please call me Jack.” That worked for the first semester but by the second, most of the team was calling him Jizz at random times, all except Bitty, “I just can’t bring myself to do it.” He admitted to Shitty one day, “I mean, we share a kitchen. No one wants to think about jizz while they’re baking, Shitty!”</p><p>“Ah, you got a point, brah. I’ll let you slide.” By now it was written in the bylaws, though it wasn’t really enforced. Shitty put it there mainly to bother Jack and thus far it was doing a spectacular job. Of course, the name continued on the ice as well, with Shitty shouting things like, “Jizz, behind you!” and “Go get ‘em, Jizz!” While slapping the other’s ass. After a while, Jack finally wore down and sometimes would smile when Shitty said something and on really good days, he would laugh. Though the second one came more often during the second half of his senior year, when he was getting closer to Bitty. The coincidence wasn’t lost on Shitty. </p><p>Then Jack went to the Falconers. He told Shitty that on no uncertain terms, he was not allowed to call him Jizz around his new teammates or at games. It was something for the people at Samwell and that was it. Shitty, being the amazing friend he was, agreed to the terms. When it was just the guys (and Lardo) from Samwell, Jack was Jizz once again, and now that he and Bitty were out there were so, so much chirping. He supposed that came with the territory.</p><p>Things were going really well. He had a Stanley Cup win, his teammates didn’t know about his terrible nickname. Now, it was the off-season and Jack had invited the team over for some drinks and pizza (though, don’t tell their nutritionist that). They were all in either the kitchen or the living room, milling and talking when the door slammed open, “Jizz! I needed to get drunk, like, yesterday!” He had a six-pack in one hand while the other hand was frozen on the door handle. </p><p>Jack froze mid-sip of his drink and stared wide-eyed at Shitty, "Crisse." He cursed into his drink while Shitty murmured, “This is a bad time.” It was, quite possibly, the quietest he'd ever been. </p><p>Marty was the first to speak, “Uh, Jack? Did he just call you-?”</p><p>“It was a college nickname.” Jack rushed to explain, “Totally harmless. It didn’t come from anything-“</p><p>“It came from something!” Snowy laughed, “Holy shit.” </p><p>“Oh no,” Jack glared at Shitty. </p><p>Tater had been oddly quiet the whole time, looking like he was thinking something through, “Jizz, jizz… that’s… Oh! Yes! That’s сперма!” He laughed, his head tilting back, “I know of this.” He looked at Jack, “They call you this?”</p><p>Jack was as red as a tomato, “They, uh, no. Just Shitty.” He shifted uncomfortably. Things had been going so well up until now. Shitty and his big mouth. Tater hadn’t stopped laughing, which was normally a wonderful sound. It was deep and rich and usually, it helped to relax Jack but right now it was only making him anxious because they were laughing at him. No, not at him. His nickname that his dumbass best friend gave him a million years ago. He needed to remember that, he needed to remember that.</p><p>The air was tense for a while, especially after Tater finally stopped laughing. Jack looked around at everyone, these people were his friends and they wouldn’t hurt him or mock him. He took a deep breath and looked at Shitty who was still standing by the door. At least now the door was shut. Jack finally opened his mouth, “He wrote it in the bylaws. Can you believe that?” A few of the guys cracked a smile and Shitty looked like he was starting to relax. He walked over with his case of beer and sat on the arm of the chair Jack was sitting on, “I never fined anyone for not calling him Jizz though. The only one who ever got a pass was Bitty, who said ‘Jizz doesn’t belong in the kitchen.” </p><p>Jack looked fake upset for a moment, “He said that about me?”</p><p>“No, not you Jizz, like actual-“ Jack held a hand up and covered Shitty’s mouth, “We get the idea, Shits.” Shitty was still talking behind Jack’s hand, something about Jack’s freakishly large hands or something like that. Tater started laughing, “Little B no thinks that now!” </p><p>Shitty started laughing so hard his head tilted back and his hands went to his stomach. Jack’s mouth fell open, “I’ll have you know he keeps a strict, ‘no hands’ policy in the kitchen,” He was blushing and obviously teasing his friends. The air was no longer as tense and soon the team was laughing, following the conversation and chipping when they could. Jack relaxed again and Shitty cracked open a beer, at some point sitting in Jack’s lap. No one commented on it and Jack didn’t make him get up or leave, which was a victory in his books. </p><p>By the end of the night, it was like Shitty hadn’t just revealed one of Jack’s secrets, except for the fact that Tater started adding it into their conversation but mostly in Russian, which Jack certainly preferred to the English version. Everyone left, leaving just Shitty and Jack. Shitty opened his mouth, “Jack, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“</p><p>“Don’t worry, Shits, now what was it you were saying about getting drunk?” </p><p>“Jizz, I thought you’d never ask.” He smirked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know if anything needs to be fixed or tags should be added. Hope y'all enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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